Getting up while being with someone I love is hard for me, especially since I know he is getting up with me for my sake and not for himself. That does not feel right, but anyway, I am here and we are getting up. We manage the struggle and that feels good. I already made a compromise in my mind about the mantra?s, we would listen to them while lying in the bed? So that means, reading japji and doing the yogaset and have a long, long relaxation.
Doing conscessions never makes me feel good and also now, I think to myself, why did I do this. Why is it so hard to do 40 days sadhana, just these 40 days and after that i can do something else again? I remember from the 40 days at the Golden Temple, that the middle period is the hardest. My mind is asking all this questions. So to make it easy on myself, I should contact some yogis and tell my story to them and I will be recharged again, I know that, but I do not do that, I will wait fort hat untill tonite, when we have our studygroup meeting, since I want to feel how much comes from within and how much and which part comes from outside of me.
Wht i feel is that i really need people around me who are on the same path to walk this path and i am like a cameleon, if i like the people and i like the path there walking on, i feel i can go on that road to. While writing this, i do doubt if that is still true. It defenitly used to bet hat way but while writing it down, making it concrete, i feel that the roles have changed, only not yet consciously in my head. Whyle writing this, i really feel i?d love to be a journalist, travelling the world, writing stories. This fits with my astrology, as i am a libra. So, another thing again which is important to me, is travelling. And it is time to move on, to make sure i have a place to stay tonight and a partner to do sadhana with tomorow morning.
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